2 Sides of Happiness
After all, we are just a speck of dust in the galaxy
“This is the best day of my life, a day I would probably remember for years to come!”
“I don’t think anything can replace this moment”
Like a distant memory, these particular dialogues kept being played on repeat inside the head of a dismal Momin who could recreate the whole scenery with the fragments of the past, the jigsaw finally joining to present the picture he dreaded the most. Why was he even here?
“Idiot grab the pizza and let’s go! Where are you lost? Are you staring at the girls in the park?”
Abruptly interrupted from his speculative mode, Momin faced the four friends who dragged him to this place in the first place.
“Nah, I was just looking where we should sit for our ‘picnic’”, exclaimed Momin as he couldn’t help notice the sly grin on Iffrah’s face. While the grin may look like an innocent smile for any layman, easily overlooked by those around, Momin was cursing Iffrah with every hateful word he could silently murmur. Why is she acting in such an absurd way? Is she for real? Snake friend? Good or not, these recurring questions diverted Momin’s attention from daydreaming to attempting to decipher Iffrah.
“Can we just go somewhere else? I feel cold…..it’s a stupid park with no benches too”. Momin persistently fought his case but it was clearly of no use as the rest not only found his logic stupid but also began pondering on the possible reasons for this eccentric behavior, especially coming from a guy who could be categorized as one of the least demanding friends in the group. Sensing the increasing curiosity, Momin arrived at the mere conclusion that the less he speaks, the better it is.
The balance between happiness and sorrow is brittle and sensitive as on his one side, stood the reasons for his current happiness, the people who made him feel special, out there with him, buying his favorite pizzas, making him feel special. On the opposite end, stood the very venue that crippled his personality three years ago. The past that Momin tried to bury with all his might! The last meet-up with a friend, three years ago, promising better things, only to come crashing down two months later with vicious consequences. The one event, in his life, that broke the ever-optimistic lad. Confidence shattered! Self-doubt welcomed him with open arms, a sense of mistrust with everyone, expecting everyone to backstab. Emotions? Washed out of him as he vowed to conceal his reactions like Captain Spock from Star Trek.
Ever since then, Momin created four different personalities of himself intending to utilize each side for dealing with people. Specific traits and actions for every other person, categorized as a funny, goofy, sporty, gentleman, pushing aside his beautiful version, a perfect combination of the four. One thing he could never correct was the hesitation and lack of trust in the gender of his former friend with various examples of him being awkward, shy, and uninterested being fairly common in his group of friends. However, as Harvey Dent said in Batman, “The night is darkest just before the Dawn”, things did take a turn for the good as the lonely shattered figure was provided with a new ray of hope as one by one, new faces came into his life as he began his resurgence from rock-bottom to a new phase of life.
While Momin was delighted with the way life shaped up, fear and sadness still engulfed his heart as the sight of things that somehow linked him back to the past, opened avenues of regret and speculations he did not desire as his mind speculated other possibilities of avoiding this situation if he had adopted specific measures. Full Dr. Strange vibes as he played every scenario in his mind before telling Ironman about the chances of their success in the fight against Thanos for the Infinity Stones. These daunting thoughts kept him awake till the end of the night, concluding with the bitter truth that his heart was BROKEN! Although his brain had successfully deleted most of his memories with that specific person, Momin had agreed with his inner consciousness to refrain from any possible act that triggered his memory. Be it taking candid pictures of people, carefree singing songs, specific restaurants, food products, and places, all of them were marked prohibited in his mental notes.
With the passing of days, Momin had found the guts inside him to overcome these signs, with *that park* being the last tormenting site. Just a week ago, Momin was invited to a party near that park by Iffrah and upon her repeated questioning, he spilled the beans regarding his hatred for that particular place. Iffrah’s grin, today, could be attributed to their earlier conversation as she wanted Momin to face his last fear while being fairly convinced that Momin wouldn’t dare reveal the reason for his enmity towards that place.
Gulping some fresh air inside his lungs, Momin marched towards the destination, outpacing his friends around him, as his heart began pumping blood at an accelerated rate, stomach felt heavier than ever, back perplexed, presenting him as an automated bot, just eager to finish the task at hand. The moment of truth finally arrived, as Momin glanced back to realize his friends were fairly behind, providing him the opportunity to reconfigure his fragmented memories. The swings on the right, the monkey bars, the animal cage and slides on the left, loading flashbacks as if a USB had been inserted inside Momin. LOADING……………
“Let’s climb the monkey bars, hurry!” shouted Minahil as the competitive side of Momin compelled him to run towards them. Sprinting across the grassy field, Momin’s hands gripped the cold metal structure and began ascending the swing, to reach a reasonable height. In your childhood, you ever fought with your siblings over a video game and your mom switched it directly off? Yeah, that happened with Momin’s memories as while they were in a process of resurfacing, the distraction caused by his friend, shut it down completely. Within half an hour, he forgot the traumas associated with the place as his brain started noting down the little details that resulted in his blissfulness. The same monkey bar, which was associated with bad omens, was now a source of happiness as the group gathered around for photos, trying to save this for years to come. Although Momin is aware that there’s always the probability of ending up as strangers with those with who he’s surrounded at the moment, it is better to relish the present rather than dwelling in the past and inflicting pain upon himself with no outcome.
While we all are asked to “move on” for our mental peace and comfort, the undeniable truth is that regardless of our best efforts, erasing someone’s existence from our consciousness is near-impossible at the current time. Maybe, in the near future, the idea presented in one of my favorite movies, “Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind” (super cute movie, recommended) becomes a reality as we would be empowered to forget the influence someone close had on us. Would you consider doing it though? As of yet, it doesn’t look practical, but there are key takeaways. Despite the pain associated with the process, the emptiness with someone’s departure is a beautiful thing as you realize you once entitled someone to that closure, presented them with the importance which you did not for others, found perfection in their flawed personalities to reach the point you started associating things with them. This is something you would not do with someone you don’t give heed to. At that particular moment, those things seem irrelevant as anguish and frustration cloud your rational thinking to the point those memories are termed poisonous. Dwelling in the past, halting your life is also foolish as with the closure of one door, you come across numerous others, each promising experience you may not have cherished before. However, you need to know not everyone lasts and the closure you may be relishing today with someone, may become a stranger? You need to know that when the boat starts sinking, you should look for a floating vest rather than invest your energy in keeping it afloat, till the time you realize you cannot escape or save it. We do realize the moment where our friendships and other relationships turn sour and there’s no going back but against all hope, our optimistic heart inspires us with renewed hope as we are tempted with a miraculous ending which is somewhat of a fantasy. YOU MATTER! YOUR SELF PEACE MATTERS THE MOST!
