Apology from the Heart
“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got”
Growing up, whenever I would accidentally hit my brother with a tennis ball while playing cricket, my mother would immediately ask me to apologize. If I refused, my mother would grab me by the wrist and her suggestion would turn more into an order where the tone of my apology was seriously judged. If she deemed it to be just a formality, I would be forced to repeat until there was a sense of remorse in my tone. In short, we had been tuned to consider an apology as the basic reaction to any mistake.
However, as I stepped outside my house, I was brought to the conclusion that it is more than just a household rule where my mother would give her verdicts on whom deserved the apology. At a tender age, I was unable to observe the enigma a human mind posed when it came to its pride and ego, an issue that my older self is well-aware of.
Unsurprisingly, I see friends refusing to talk to one another solely based on vendettas on petty issues just because a side refuses to be the bigger person and come forward with an apology. Why’s that so? Yeah, it can be linked to the fact that apologizing is considered (by most) as a form of weakness, where you sacrifice your self-respect and ego by bitterly agreeing to what the other side is insisting upon. But, it is pivotal to wonder, who decided in the first place that being sorry over your faults is considered self-debasing?
Would it be wrong to say that we live in a time where expressing emotional vulnerability is seen as a cardinal sin, where you prefer to continue to defend your mistakes rather than admitting the things that even your self-consciousness tells are contradicting your principles?
Nevertheless, there is some hope with the growing awareness about ideas such as empathy and sensitivity. Nowadays, with the growing focus on mental health, globally there’s an encouragement for everyone to freely express their thoughts (which they may have formerly bottled), seek help, and get to know one another. Although a small faction does exploit this development, we would stay on the positive side and conclude that it won’t be long before people stop bottling their thoughts, suffering alone.
“NOBODY IS PERFECT”
This statement alone can help resolve most of the daily arguments masses have as we all grow up with things we may have regrets over, hurt someone, or maybe try concealing. The important aspect, however, is the ability to accept your flaw and work towards a general improvement, one which you can point out! This acknowledgment is the key that leads to a greater evolution towards self-knowledge and self-discovery. Frankly speaking, my overuse of the word “Sorry” made it difficult as the value of your apology significantly drops if you have the same response for a minor and massive mistake. Nevertheless, I can proudly claim that I didn’t shy away when it came to admitting my faults and apologizing.
Once, I was playing a cricket match for my University team. The match was in equilibrium with me bearing the burden of carrying my team ahead. After smashing two consecutive fours, I was over-pumped and the surge of adrenaline forced me to play a cross-bat slog which was badly miscued, only to land in the hands of the fielder in the inner-circle. I knew I had messed up big time and walking towards the dug-out, I could see the frowns on my teammates as the coach and captain shouted at me. I innocently murmured “Sorry” and their frowns turned into a little smile as their mood changed, with now the coach encouraging me to reconsider my shot selection rather than giving me the hair-dryer treatment. See the power of the one word?
One thing I credit our society for is the realization of how important it is to hear “I’m sorry” genuinely from the heart. Apologizing just for the sake of apologizing is meaningless. We cannot genuinely apologize if we can’t admit to ourselves that we made a mistake. You can apologize just to mend old ties but deep down inside you’re willing to throw the other person down whenever the opportunity arises. Would that be treated as the same apology as the one who meant it from the heart and took measures to amend themselves?
Can we stand in front of the mirror and firmly claim that it never was our fault? We never had a role in this? Not sure about you, but this guilt does overcome me at times and this is where humility comes into play.
By far the easiest thing to do (after procrastinating with a mobile phone in your hand) is blaming others for the things that weren’t so merry. Making excuses and skirting the subject is easy. You all admire people with muscular bodies and bulging biceps for being strong, but for me, the person who takes the blame on their shoulders is the strongest person amongst all.
Sometimes even competitive friends can take their competitiveness too far, with the urge of proving themselves to be better than the other, ending up hurting one another. Here, you would expect an apology to rekindle the exhausted spirit of friendship, yet the dilemma remains that who would “give in” and be the one to take the first step. Eventually, the silent treatment goes too far and it isn’t long before the “inseparable” turn into “separated”.
Crazy, right?
Learning to apologize is the first and most important step in the healing process. Not only does it show the recipient that you acknowledge their right to feel hurt, but it opens the way to forgiveness.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE TWO WORDS “I’M SORRY”. YOU WOULD BE THE DUMBEST PERSON TO OVERLOOK IT AS A SOLUTION!
At that very moment, it may be tough to assume you would be straightforwardly forgiven with the victim burying the hatchet after your (offender) apology. In the long run, that empathy towards that person later translates into forgiveness as time heals the inflicted wounds. Why is that so? Well, with an apology, there are sentiments where the victim realizes the offender recognized their pain and stepped forward to help them heal.
Arguably, the timing is of immense significance here. Maybe the victim isn’t willing to accept your apology at the beginning. Or you can be too late with the offender being phased out of the victim’s life and your apology is treated equally to the horse-shit acts you earlier committed.
An apology cannot undo what has been done, but it can help ease the pain and tension of the aftermath. It gives hope for rebuilding and puts value on the relationship rather than the individual’s pride.
Sometimes people don’t even realize the hurt they are creating around them by failing to take responsibility for their actions. Maybe it’s you, maybe it’s someone you know, but everyone knows someone who has suffered from this at some time.
Now is the time to make a change.
Often those two simple words are worth more than a lifetime of excuses and explanations.
Choose the path of humility…….path of healing……. love above pride…… choose to apologize!
