Consent Matters

Four past midnight, the pathway outside academic block is petrifying with the complete darkness engulfing the campus, no one around for any help and support, owls looking at you from the tree branches, accompanied by the fact that not even your friends nor parents know about your exact location yet you do not feel fearful, scared or hesitant for even a second? As you head towards the Library from the Khooka, your mind only recalls the assignments and readings you are still due rather than the complicated thoughts of how scary the place is and how vulnerable you possibly are. But why is that? Maybe, it’s because we believe LUMS to be a safe-haven for ourselves, a place we don’t shy from calling our ‘second home’. As I may term some of my professors, “LUMS is an island, a bubble, different from the outside world. A place of general acceptance for everyone’s ideas, home to some of the brightest minds of the nation”. Well, it is hard to deny that since the very first day, we did consider it as a place different from the outside world which may explain the situation earlier elaborated.

Over the last few days, the ‘island’ has come up with some appalling news, news that shook me to the core. Sleepless nights, sickened by social media, irritating behavior, extra cautious, and general seclusion from friends. It all started with a simple tweet from a student that the O-week Coaches and some members of the Executive Council of specific societies act as predators, looking at the incoming freshmen, looking to hit them up, taking advantage of the limited power they may have earned. Personally, being blessed with the most cooperative and entertaining O-week coaches accompanied by the most decent and cooperative Executive Council consisting of the likes of Hamza Ather, Saad Rashid, Mehar Hassan, etc. this was something hard to digest as I always looked upon them as a source of strength, always there to guide lost souls looking for a general sense of direction. While admitting there are always exceptions, I was generally unbothered by the claim made in the tweet, dismissing it without a sense of hesitation.

However, this tweet triggered a set of events, events unimagined as a regular student, exposing the manipulation and predatory behavior of some along with instances of sexual harassment and sexting. Isn’t it hard to believe that people from educated elite families, with decent schooling and brought-up, could end up traumatizing the lives of those around them, people who trusted them, by various barbarous acts like raping, groping, revealing private parts expecting bl**j*bs and passing inappropriate remarks in messages? Honestly, as a kid whenever I would come across news of sex-offenders, I used to blame lack of education as the sole reason why we hear such news. However, later I realized that the poor and uneducated people aren’t mostly those who end up being predators. It’s wherever someone has certain power over the other where it happens. Be it the power the patriarchal society has given you over women or actual “formal” power through a position you hold. There are numerous instances of people in positions of power exploiting women with the ‘Epstein’ case serving as a prime example. But here? At LUMS? A year ago, I had the opportunity to visit NUST where my friend told me that such acts have become a commonality at his university and the management shushes down voices for justice by claiming they’re “protecting the honor of the victim by keeping it hidden”. At that moment, I felt blessed that our university is not home to such creeps, boosting how not only our university being fairly liberal hosts people with different mind-sets but also how lucky we are not to face such implications as the Student Body takes a stand for everyone (while quoting the case of a misogynist group on social media and the response).

Initially, the cases being brought forward were very limited with the victim inviting a fair amount of criticism from the offenders and their friends, slut-shaming, and calling for evidence. Consequently, people began sharing screenshots and accounts of eye-witnesses, turning the tables, with the accuser having nothing more to back themselves, started accusing the victims of defamation and intentional shaming based on personal vendettas. However, by now the community was aware of what took place and sided with the victim, ignoring the plea of the offender claiming to be innocent. With people coming forward with more testimonials, it became evident that the accusers had harassed more than one person, who now believed one post with an apology is sufficient to forgive them for their sins over their previous deeds and blatant defense with outright denial of the cases. However, some ignorant bastards still didn’t learn their lesson and posted screenshots of them showing previous explicit chats claiming that they were enough to warrant a consent.

The most shocking one was of a person whom one of my friends used to term as “Superman”. A person who was well renowned as one of the few who helped the poor MBM cleaning staff, offering classes and crash courses at LUMS, a person who gave tips to live a healthy life was exposed passing vulgar comments on the body types of the people who attended his classes. That dude was a living legend for some who looked upon him as one of the most inspiring people. Mental health didn’t count as health for him? But the situation did not end there. While the comments were unacceptable to quite an extent, some people argued that in this particular case, the girl was leading him on and never deemed his attempts as unacceptable on her part, leading to a further debate on this matter. The thing with us Pakistanis is that we deem our opinions to be established facts, considering it unnecessary to even listen to the other person and flaring up just to give our opinions more weightage. Pretty sure you may have seen this in your drawing rooms with family relatives fighting their hearts out to prove the other wrong, only stopping when both sides are exhausted.

With such incidents, there is a lot to ponder which may not have been discussed earlier. Are such acts a result of our education system? Most of the offenders that have been highlighted belong to one of the most prestigious boys-only schools (not Aitchison) of Lahore. Years of segregation from the opposite gender, limited interaction led to such aggressive and desperate behavior? It is hard to prove but looking at this particular case, there is a positive correlation that was not seen before. Is this a result of the addiction of the youth on porn? Being one of the highest-ranked nations searching porn (https://tribune.com.pk/story/823696/pakistan-tops-list-of-most-porn-searching-countries-google/?amp=1), has our addiction gotten the better of us? Hearing accounts of people showing no remorse or guilt in their addiction to this toxic act, makes you wonder if this is even considered wrong in this modern age? I can’t say for others but I still believe it is unacceptable with far-reaching consequences unidentified by the person. You lose a sense of morality you possess while viewing videos tuned to satisfy the male audience with their domination the primary theme of such videos and the willingness of the other partner to accept the “invitation” in an instant. Maybe that’s where our habit of not understanding about the concept of “consent” came from? Despite continuously being warned and told it is not fine, harassers kept on persisting, eventually leaving a scar on the victims that left them years behind, caged in their thoughts of what to do with the tragedy that occurred.

And what’s with our habit of failing to accept someone’s claim that a specific person is a harasser, manipulator, etc.? Try gossiping about a girl, slut-shame her and the whole world will believe as if you are an eye-witness, a saint sent by God to expose such people. Within no time, you will find out that acquaintances living in maybe Canada would be aware of this and would be narrating this incident with more details and exaggeration. Why are we still obsessed with defending our friends even if they are wrong? Recently, one of our friends from school was called out by several girls for manipulating underage girls and taking undue advantage. I was sure his friends would leave his side and have the courage to speak out the truth especially because of the fact that most of his friends were Feminists, even going to the Aurat March. But what did they do? They pretended such incidents never took place, casting a blind eye to the shreds of evidence presented to them and burying the hatchet by simply claiming, “HUM US SAY BAAT KARAIN GAY KAY THEEK HO JAO”. Even here at LUMS, the same situation repeated as, despite the strong claims, friends decided to support the guilty ones, ignoring the facts. I do realize friends take a stand for their fellows but don’t you have a moral sense, telling you it is wrong?

How many more cases are we waiting for before we correct our sense of direction? Misuse of power? Spoiling lives of people backed by the support of people in the Student Council and friends of the high posts? You may have power in the short-run but the All-Powerful God has plans to lead you to your destined ends. He is the One who will expose everyone and punish the harassers both in this world and the Hereafter. What would you do in the future when no one is by your side? Why cry that exposing them is making them feel disrespected? You lost your dignity and respect the moment you looked at a person from the opposite gender with malicious intentions. Stop blabbing over it now! This movement took a toll on me as being a member of the EC of a society, the power is proving to be a burden. You look at the reputation of other societies’ EC members and ponder that while allegations are being thrown at ECs, am I one of them too? What if I cross my limits someday? Is this the power that people exploited? Honestly, the maximum power I wished for with the EC post was getting my friends from Paragon entered at concerts. Will I feel secure when my friends go to the cricket ground after midnight for ‘Chai sessions’ with all these predators on the loose? On batch nights, will we be able to dance properly knowing that someone out there is busy commenting on our physical features?

Furthermore, I think maybe men can never truly understand what women have to deal with after facing harassment in a patriarchal society. That feeling of being powerless is probably indescribable for us as since the very first day we are taught men are strong and independent with women depending upon the male in their household for protection and security. Our view will always be limited since when all is said and done we still can’t really know what it feels like. We can empathize for sure, but we can’t ever truly understand what it feels like to be harassed and traumatized in such manner. While it is also true that recently, there have been cases where young boys face sexual harassment and are forced into acts they never really wanted to indulge themselves in. That makes it all the more important that we stand up and speak up. Give all these women a platform to speak up and support them in bringing systems in place to make them feel comfortable. That’s the least we can do right?

Living in my little bubble, a kid socially shy, ignoring handshakes and hugs, preferring to sit at a distance from the opposite gender, I was oblivious of the things happening around me. The tales and stories being shared are truly heartbreaking and distressing. Moreover, my friend told me that the stories being shared at LDF are just the tip of the iceberg as in the girls’ group, the page is flooded with stories. The girls who have managed to gather the courage to come out with their personal experiences are the bravest and need to be told it isn’t their fault and need to be accepted in society as equals (something which isn’t happening in our society with girls bearing everything for their ‘honor’). However, the real issue is that we shouldn’t have reached this point in the first place. Letting such predators roam around us with no sense of retribution is a failure of the administration which hasn’t provided a safe environment for these girls. Imagine paying 500k per semester just to live a stressed life with predators seeking opportunities to play with your emotions. We have such glaring issues in our society and it is disgusting to see how a whole gender is marginalized and feels threatened by the acts of a large number of people who feel they hold power over them. It is not enough to be not one of these predators but we need to be ‘anti-predators’. Call them the fuck out. Doesn’t matter if the person is your ‘friend’. Whoever they may be, we have a responsibility to all members of our society to do better. It is time for some serious introspection for a lot of people. We can’t continue living in this manner. TIME TO CHANGE!

While we may hate online classes, maybe it’s an ideal situation for some who may not have to face their harasser at campus almost every day, tormenting their life!

The views presented here are my own and you are free to disagree with them if you will!