Mental Health Issues? No Problem!
“This article has been written in light of my interaction with friends suffering mental health issues. Thus, open for constructive criticism”
We are preached that psychical fitness and well-being are the keys to living a happy life, but the often-ignored side, mental health, is what I give more weightage. It is an easy task to identify someone failing to maintain their physical health (ask them to run up and down the stairs), but can we say the same about mental health? Can you look at someone in the eyes and filter out the emotions they are expressing, to identify the grievances they are hiding beneath the smiling face?
Coming from someone who has mastered the art of carrying multiple personalities for different people and masking my own emotions to avoid unnecessary questions, I can vouch that determining the mental health of someone can be a tricky situation as with time, you learn the art of hiding your true self in front of others. Yeah, at times your conversations that trigger their traumas are indeed capable of them spilling the beans for a while, but soon they will realize the slippery slope and try their best to change the topic with them facing an uncomfortable situation.
What’s the reason for this behavior while suffering too? Despite the recent spike in mental health awareness campaigns, numerous factors such as trust issues and the stigma associated with this issue deter people from coming up with their stories or openly speaking up about the dilemma at hand. Furthermore, people remain secretive about their mental health due to the toxic culture of gossip, and labeling such people as “emotional drama, dramay-bazz, and sensitive”.
Nevertheless, while there are people who only make this world worse for such people, some of us who understand the empathetic and emotional needs of people, need to step up with methods to lend a hand and a shoulder to cry on for anyone going through a tough phase of life. The people who at times feel inferior or ashamed need to be told that the world is a prettier place with their presence and their mere existence is a reason to celebrate.
This issue of depression and loneliness peaks in the holidays as I found out in recent primary research, 90% of my friends feel lonely at home and 72% categorize themselves as depressed. Yet, no one says a word on this crippling dilemma?
From my interaction with some people suffering from mental health issues, here are some of the tips I have managed to identify that can prove to be useful. Reminder, this is from my personal experience, therefore, there can be variations and perhaps may not work too. If you have better ideas, feel free to drop them in the comments or even message me so I know what more to consider. So here are my 5 tips for helping someone you think might be suffering from a mental health disorder.
1. No confrontation at all! Be kind and show empathy
You can either be a bully in their eyes and never be considered for opening up or you could act like a civilized person and show some kindness as a change. Personally, the straight-up question such as “What’s wrong with you?” is not recommended at all as that puts the other person on the back foot as they try their best to mask the issue lingering on. They would not feel open to sharing their thoughts if you proceed with a confrontational, rude tone. I agree that the earlier statement does show your concern, but maybe rephrasing it would be better?
“Hi! I have been noticing your social media statuses/ you sitting alone lately and wanted to ask if everything is fine?”
Not claiming that this mere sentence would entitle you to closure or the other person would instantly start telling their life story A to Z, but rather would instill the thought in their mind that there is someone who does notice the changes and was kind enough to approach and offer help. You would usually get a generalized statement in response, and it is acceptable. Here, it depends on the interpretation of the person approaching, if it is advisable to proceed with other questions or leave thinking they deserve space.
I fondly remember how I once messed up this interpretation part. “I am not fine, I will be fine”, were the words I last read, thinking this is the point beyond which I don’t ask. Guess who left the conversation at that moment and faced backlash later? Yeah, I make mistakes!
Keep in mind that if the person, who is being approached, remains defensive or gets irritated, do not change your stance and defer from your concern. You are coming across someone, who is struggling emotionally, so do not be alarmed if they fail to act normally.
2. You can share your past struggles
The world only sees the successful side of your life. There isn’t a lens that highlights the struggles, pain, and obstacles you came across as you climbed the ladder of success. The luxurious and peaceful life is just the tip of the iceberg, the one the world sees but tends to ignore the submerged part, the countless nights where you cried, the times you pondered quitting, and the sorrows you accepted. Maybe, with you elaborating on how it is not always fair and merry and at once stage faced unfavorable odds, making the other person realize that it is normal to struggle and be weak sometimes as they aren’t the only one in this world who have to face this. Moreover, it is pivotal to clarify that maybe you cannot relate to this issue as you were lucky enough not to come across it, nor are you in their shoes. As my dad says, “Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches” but reinstate your desire to help. Simply saying, “I can relate to your pain” is a straight-up lie unless you also faced a mental health disorder.
If you look down on their issues or even suggest that the struggle isn’t too difficult, you are officially the worst person on the planet in my eyes. Empower them! Inspire them with renewed hope! Be their strength rather than making them feel inferior.
3. Do not judge them on their issues and this should not influence your relationship with them
As a friend of mine once said when I talked about some issues of my own, “A lamp is but a lamp if we choose to see it as such. Otherwise, it is naked — free of classification and judgment. In a similar way, you wonder what it would be like to free yourself from internal and external judgment.”
The fear of being judged by people would usually lead to people preventing themselves from talking about their issues. Our main goal is to get them to talk about their problems. Once they open up, the empathetic side needs to overcome your thinking as you want to heal them. If God Forbid, someone discusses their suicidal issues, rather than making them feel invalidated by terming such thoughts pathetic, it is important to remain calm, open, and composed as while self-mutilation may be news to the ears of those with good mental health but is a comforting habit for anyone going through depression.
Despite my best efforts in this part, I usually struggle as several society-based issues act as thorns. You are either a senior or a junior of the person you are approaching. Either a friend or someone who knows their friends. The fear of being judged or the issue told to others overpowers the genuine concern you express.
4. Ask tough questions when the situation demands it
In a regular conversation, we would never dare ask the straight-up tough questions but once you are in the midst of the stories being narrated with accounts of self-harm and suicidal thoughts, it is recommended to ask, “Still having suicidal thoughts?” and, “Are you considering hurting yourself?”. If the other person affirms these questions, one should not shy away from asking the method and time when they plan on committing self-harm as these vital facts can prove to be the main difference in saving someone. Moreover, the answers would provide fruitful insight into knowing how serious a person is about self-injury.
5. Provide a workable solution
It is best to show the other person, who is struggling with those issues, that there is someone out there who cares, and is willing to help them. Let them know you are there for a company or to hear them out! Provide them with solutions to the issues they talk about. Maybe hearing it from a friend or someone they know outside the immediate family can change things for the better? However, if you think the situation is out of your command, recommend them capable counselors or psychologists or maybe even take them to a hospital if you fear them resorting to self-harm.
With all these points stated, would just like to reinstate the fact that we should be more observable when it comes to the people around us. Sometimes, we need to put in an effort but trust me, the universe works mysteriously. If you go around helping people, you will find support when you are in trouble. If you are not like that, things won’t be too bright. What I do is that whenever I see someone sadistic, in an online setup, I forward them some of the memes I have collected in a mere effort to make them smile. And we should not have expectations in return either. Most of the time, such efforts get ignored, but I remain optimistic that this small act might have helped? More importantly, I have seen dramas where people emotionally manipulate those who are depressed: YOU PEOPLE ARE THE WORST!!!!!!!!
To conclude this, it is significant to remember that not everyone who struggles with mental health issues is in danger. Just make sure the specific person knows you are there if they need to talk in the future. Finally, people who struggle to cope with their mental health issues won’t reach out to you without an invitation for help. Thus, it is even more pivotal that they have someone in their life who they know is concerned about them.
