The Journey of Grief

Faaiz Gilani
3 min readAug 4, 2022

While everyone shares their achievements and talks about their good days, I would share the week-long depression post a rejection

The road of grief feels like falling into a bottomless well. There is no sign of relief. It may not be significant to others, but only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches. When the news arrived, the casual tone showed it was not a big deal for you. But for me, it left me at a crossroads. Now, what do I do? My mind is scattered and running over millions of possibilities. All came crashing down. When you first arrived, three months ago, my eyes were filled with tears of happiness, as I ran down the stairs to embrace my loved ones, screaming in joy. Like a baby getting his favorite toy on his birthday, I displayed it to my close circle, wearing it like my badge of honor, telling everyone that I have done what others could not imagine. In the middle of the night, called Safa and screamed at the top of my lungs, “I HAVE DONE IT SAFA!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANT TO ME”.
Three months later, it was approximately the same time, but the opposite nature of news. Rather than frantically opening my favorites list from the contact list to look for her name, this time, the fingers dragged themselves across the screen, opening a WhatsApp chat and forcing myself to text, “Something bad just happened”. From then onwards, every moment was a struggle to show the world that Faaiz was steadfast. Descend the flight of stairs, returning to the guests, smiling at the cracked joke while the heart silently wept.
To the world, I was still smiling, keeping up with everyone and the stories they told. However, I was avoiding the texts sent by my two closest friends, asking about my well-being. A part of me knew that facing these questions would open the barriers, holding back the rivers of tears, with the heartache remaining constant and ever-growing. The severity of the decision left a void and emptiness that was not experienced before. Suddenly, the will to do anything vanished into thin air as the ever-enthusiastic Faaiz, dragged himself through the day.
With the first ray of sunshine emerging through the glass window, failure to sleep at night with grief clouding my thinking provoked me to grab the cereal dispenser. One by one, Koko Krunch made their way to the bowl as I later drowned them with cold milk. But just as the steel spoon made its way near them, a weird sensation ran through. The hand remained fixed in its posture, the cereals kept awaiting the arrival of the spoon, hovering just above them. But, it never made its way to them.
Grief revisited Faaiz before the cereals could welcome the steel spoon gripped in Faaiz’s right hand. Remembering the incident that unfolded just hours ago, hunger became non-existent despite seven hours since the tongue last tasted anything. Life lost its meaning. A dream shattered with a mere couple of sentences. A sledgehammer struck down all of my plans and aspirations, but hey, at least they were kind enough to wish me luck in the end.
Like the change in days, life brings you grief and happiness. For grief, you never truly move on. While everyone tells you that it will be alright (true to some extent), the initial pain remains a feeling you would not like to feel again. The truth is that you never truly move on. Setback remains a part of your life, a moment you regularly look back with mixed emotions. It broke you. Made you suffer. But it also set you on another road where you met a different kind of happiness. Lastly, it is always beautiful to be surrounded by friends and family who support and make you look at the bigger things in life. Let you know that one rejection opens a sea of opportunities, and life never remains cruel.

--

--

Faaiz Gilani

An aspiring writer, with no prior writing experience, talking about his experiences to help others getting bored in Quarantine……….enjoy my short stories!